you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
