i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
