I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
