If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
