I wish I only lived at night.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize