Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
