I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
