Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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