yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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