I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
