i think my tv is drunk
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
