why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
