i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
