:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I touched a dick in church today
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
