Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
