I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
