I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
