something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
