shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
