I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
