I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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