I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
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