Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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