i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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