and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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