My hand turned me down
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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