I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
