I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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