Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
