my soul wont recognize me after tonight
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
