so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize