I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
