Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
There's always time for handjobs
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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