Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
