I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
