I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
