are you still at the devil's house?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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