forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
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