I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
