its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
