I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
