I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize