Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
