I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
