I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
