You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
there was a trapeze. enough said
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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