Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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