I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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