Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
