I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
