I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Dicks are not precious.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
