No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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