Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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