Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I think weed is turning my hair brown
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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