I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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