it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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