operation harelip BJ is a go
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize