he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
