So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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