Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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