I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
