Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
