i think i scared a bird with my dick
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
