he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
