I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Randomize
