Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize