My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize