alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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