The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
As shirtless as possible
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
