i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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