fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
