Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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