if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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