Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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