I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
