My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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