Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Randomize
