And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
My ATM looks so different sober.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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